Life on the Road

Everything I have to say to our local Pizza Hut can be summed up by Tuck and Roll: 

You’re Fired 

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YK4t1377ZK4[/youtube]

Why, you ask?  Let me tell you a story… 

The usual kind of mistakes have happened pretty much every time we’ve ordered with them over the last year and a quarter (have we been here that long?!).  Missing a topping on one of the pizzas, that sort of thing.

Sometimes we call, sometimes we don’t.  Sometimes they make it up to us, sometimes they don’t.

Then, about a month ago, we ordered a bunch of food to do a celebration dinner for one of Nick’s band events.  Two pizzas, breadsticks, wings, soda – an online “family meal package” that cost us around $40.

It arrived. 

Wrong.

Very wrong.

The pizzas were something else entirely than what we had ordered.

I told the driver there was a problem with the pizzas…  Or at least I tried to.  He just shook his head and said “No hablo.”  [Grrrr - another entire post about THAT is coming!]  By gesturing, signing, and dredging up my high school Spanish, I made him understand that there was a problem.

He made a call on the cell phone, back to the store from what I could follow.  Then he took the pizzas, left the wings and the soda, and took off…

I had no idea what was happening, and had to call the store and ask!  The manager told me that the driver had grabbed the wrong order, and he would send him right back with ours.

Great.  Meanwhile, of course, the wings are sitting on my table getting cold.  The soda was never cold to begin with, and hopefully this wasn’t going to take that long, right? 

It nearly did!

Finally they brought the pizzas and breadsticks, although by then everyone had gone through a blood-sugar crash, and it was too late to watch a movie, and and and…

I called the Pizza Hut satisfaction line (corporate) and told them all about it. 

The customer service rep was one of those people who was so calm they sound totally indifferent, which just frustrates me more.  But she did say she would send me a coupon for two free pizzas to help make up for my bad experience. 

Not that it makes up for it, by any reckoning, but it’s nice.

A few days later a letter arrived from Pizza Hut, with two coupons for a free pizza.  At the time I considered it a meaningless distinction.

Then I called to order…  And the store insisted that I could not use both coupons at the same time.  They didn’t care that they were corporate, or that they were compensation for their previous errors.  I even spoke to the manager.

Like I want to (a) have to deal with them twice, (b) pay them more money both times to get enough food for the family, (c) pay a delivery charge twice, tip the driver twice…

So I called back the corporate customer service line.  Again.  They said the District Manager would call me, within three days.

He didn’t.

So <ahem> I called back the corporate customer service line.  They said they would escalate it to the Area Manager (the District Manager’s boss), who – of course – would call me within three days.

He did, finally.  And, interestingly, according to him District Manager and Area Manager are the same thing.

He listened to my tale of woe, and eventually agreed that he would put a $20 credit directly on my account – something the store would see automatically when they pulled up my phone number to take the order.

You’ll never guess what happened when I called to order pizza a couple of days later: 

No credit.

Again, I was stuck.  I didn’t have anything out for dinner, having planned on pizza.  And everyone was starved.  I did the only reasonable thing I could think of:

I called Dominos.

That was the first time I said it.  “Pizza Hut, you’re fired.”

But the saga continues, since I still had a promise to collect on…

Naturally, I called back the corporate customer service line – by now I’ve saved it in my speed-dial.

Another indifferent-sounding representative tells me they are very sorry, and assures me that the District/Area Manager person will call me back.

Instead I get a call from the Store Manager, who says the District Manager got the message and asked him to call me personally.

‘Amir’ apologizes, and says he’s putting that $20 on the account as we speak, and if I want to call when he is there he will be sure I get taken care of.

By now I am rebelling at this treatment, and I suggest that $20 in no way is an adequate compensation at this point.  He tells me not to worry, and reiterates that if I call when he is there he “will be sure [I] get taken care of.”

<Grumble>

A couple of days later (last weekend), we decide to put this to use (and, of course, give Pizza Hut another chance to please us).  I make Wolf call, because I’m pretty sure it won’t go well, and I’m not up to the stress.

He speaks to Amir, who confirms that at least this time the credit is on the account.

Wolf asks him – very delicately – what he’s going to do to “take care of us” and make this right.

He says that there’s a $20 credit on the account!

Wolf explains that that really doesn’t do much for us, since what we usually order is a couple of pizzas and…

Amir interrupts, and tells him to go ahead and tell him what pizzas we usually order.  (Stuffed Crust Large with Pepperoni and Black Olives for the kids, Stuffed Crust Large Hawaiian (ham & pineapple) for us).

After taking the order Amir offers to send those to us, since “that’s almost $30 worth of pizzas”! 

Fine.  Whatever. 

But no, actually, it’s NOT.

Sure, he rang it up straight, and it came to $26.50.  With tax, delivery fee, and whatever, that’s $30.

But who orders like that? 

There’s a coupon right on the box for 2 Large pizzas for $18.99, and the online combo deals we usually get are even more food for around $25-$30.

So calling that “almost $30 worth of pizzas” as though he was being so gracious in providing them was really weasely.

You know what, Pizza Hut?

You’re Fired!