Life on the Road

…And should it be?

This is not about governmental snooping, espionage, or anything that… well…  dramatic.

I’m just talking about the day-to-day interactions between people.

Forwarding jokes, warnings, cool photos, or political topics is by now an established part of our e-culture.

On the other hand, priests, psychologists, and bankers have a relationship with others that requires confidentiality.

Obviously, when Person C snoops in Person B’s email and posts things on the Internet, that’s wrong, but for a totally different reason.  That’s someone else’s email account, which C should not have accessed.

Then, there’s a big gulf in the middle of all of those…

If Person A sends an email to Person B, what is the expectation?  Is there a fixed standard, or does it depend – and if so, on what? 

• The person?  (Sender?  Receiver?)
• The material? 
• The context?
• The venue?

Is the email standard the same as our standard for a phone call?  A personal conversation?  A letter?

Let’s play What If…? and see which things strike us as “right” or “wrong,” or even “Wow, I never thought of that!” or “debatable”:

- If a cousin sends me news about her branch of the family, am I violating her privacy if I forward it to another interested cousin?  What if I post it here on my blog?  What if I send it to Oprah?  Does it matter if I forward the email (direct quote) or paraprase the content?  Does it matter whether they know each other (and if so, for better or worse?)?

- If I get a weird unsolicited solicitation in my email, am I violating their privacy if I send it to a friend and ask their opinion?  Does it matter if it was business or personal?  What if I post it on a scam warning forum?  On my blog?  Does it matter if I forward the email (direct quote) or paraprase the content?

- If a friend sends me a really mean, nasty email, ranting about something I allegedly did, am I violating her privacy if I send it to my sister to ask for her advice on responding?  Does it matter whether they know each other  (and if so, for better or worse?)?  What if I send it to three or four close friends, instead, asking for their help?  What if I post it on my blog?  What if I print it out as evidence for filing a restraining order?  Does it matter if I forward the email (direct quote) or paraprase the content?

- If a business client sends me a nasty email about an unfortunate problem with our transaction, am I violating their privacy if I send that to my sister to ask for her advice on responding?  Does it matter whether they know each other  (and if so, for better or worse?)?  What if I send it to a small business networking group, instead, asking for their help?  What if I post it on my blog (with or without naming names)?  Does it matter if I forward the email (direct quote) or paraprase the content?

From discussing this concept with people while working on this post (some weeks now), it seems clear that not everyone has the same standard.  Of course, not everyone has the same standards in general, so I suppose that should not be a surprise.

Here are some common threads to the opinions I’ve heard so far:

• Email is no more – and no less – “private” than any verbal conversation.  Thus if you tell a friend something in confidence, you and your friend have an understanding about it.  Gossips will be gossips, regardless.
• Email is no more – or less – “private” than any other written communication.  This is why people so often have ugly conversations in person or on the phone, but not in writing.  Anything written down lives on, and can become part of the public record.  You shouldn’t write it down if you don’t want people to know.
• It’s typically fine to ”ask others for advice”, as long as they don’t know the person in question.  It’s much easier for people to understand the problem if you just quote the email rather than trying to paraphrase the issue (and of course this applies doubly when the delivery is the issue, rather than “the issue”).  If people know each other, this is potentially invasive; but chances are, they live on opposite sides of the country and have no idea who that person is – they aren’t going to run into them in the grocery store and have to reconcile this embarassing thing they know…

What do you think?  And how much do you care?

How careful are you about what you say in email?  Will contemplating this change that?