Life on the Road

The rest of this week we will be on a special vacation trip with my family from California – and we will do it (*gasp*) entirely without the computer or cell phones.

Best wishes for your celebration.

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

We have a lifestyle and parenting philosophy that do not line up with the mainstream in society today.

There are lots of ladies at my La Leche League meeting that believe a lot of the same things I do about parenting.  I also find kindred spirits on certain topics among homesteaders, ”green” folks, and the Attachment Parenting community.  Conservative religious beliefs make me feel right at home with German Baptists, Mennonites, and some churches like Reformed Baptists.

Still, during the average trip to the grocery store, or church, or pretty much anywhere else, I find people who make very different choices.  A lot of my life feels like I’m “swimming up-stream.”

Even the most secure person can benefit from a little validation, so I wanted to share a couple of incidents that happened recently that have really made my day(s).

Honorning God

We wear dresses all the time, so the difference may not be as clear-cut, but we are very big believers in putting on our “Sunday Best” to go to church.  We honor the Lord by taking care to dress up for a visit to His house.

The last couple of weeks, Jewel has made some commentary about her wardrobe choices that warmed my heart and brought tears to my eyes:

I’m going to wear my ‘pretty princess’ shoes, because I want to look pretty for God and make Him happy!

Wow!  Some of it is sinking in…

Being Attached

Questions I hear far too often: 

• “Why don’t you just leave them in the Nursery?”
• “Why don’t you put them in Preschool/Day-Care so you have some time to yourself?”

Well, just to hit a few of the high points, I don’t because:

• I prefer to allow my babies to retain their natural attachment to their mother.
• I believe in breastfeeding on demand.
• I choose not to hand over the right/responsibility for shaping my children’s character to someone else.
• Research shows that cortisol (stress hormone) inhibits brain development.  No thanks!

People have a lot of wide-ranging opinions about the negative consequences of this, most of which are obviously not true.

For instance, “You’ll never be able to have a relationship with your husband” is proven untrue by the obvious fact that we have had more children.  (*ahem*)

Some are more subtle, so harder to debate/defend on short notice.  The most common ones are variations on a theme:

• “You’ll spoil them”
• “They need to learn how to be alone”
• “They’ll always be clingy / insecure”
• “You have to teach them to respect your needs”

Attachment Parenting philosophy, Bible teaching, and modern science, all dispute these notions.  People cling to them, though, and – I believe – use them to justify what simply amounts to what they want for themselves.

Let me just tell you that for me, working in the church nursery has given me all the “evidence” I need that my way is NOT wrong.  It breaks my heart sometimes…

But from the other side, I have been delighted lately to have had not one but several women who teach Jewel’s age group make a point of coming up and talking to me about her.

• “She’s always so happy!”
• “She’s an eager participant, and a delight to have in class!”
• “She never cries and makes a fuss when you drop her off.”

What a joy! 

Of course, I’m not shy in pointing out that the reason she is so secure as a 4 year-old is because I made her feel secure as a 1 year-old, 2 year-old, and 3 year-old by never forcing her to stay alone in the nursery.  She has a secure base from which to explore the world at her own pace, and trusts that I will always be there if there was a problem.

A little validation goes a long way…

I was very distressed by Chuck Norris’ recent column, Dirty Secret No.1 in Obamacare.

First of all, let me put any question to rest by providing you a link to the actual text of the bill. I looked, and it’s there, just as reported by Mr. Norris. This is not some fantastic claim someone made up just to make ObamaCare look bad – it does that all by itself!

Now, what is this big Health Care issue?

Sections 440 and 1904 of the House bill (on about page 838, depending on formatting when you vew it), provide for:

Home visitation programs for families with young children and families expecting children.

The bill says that the government agents (“well-trained and competent staff”) would “provide parents with knowledge of age-appropriate child development in cognitive, language, social, emotional, and motor domains … modeling, consulting, and coaching on parenting practices,” and “skills to interact with their child to enhance age-appropriate development.”

Chuck Norris says it so well, I’m just going to let him say it:

Are you kidding me?! With whose parental principles and values? Their own? Certain experts’? From what field and theory of childhood development? As if there are one-size-fits-all parenting techniques! Do we really believe they would contextualize and personalize every form of parenting in their education, or would they merely universally indoctrinate with their own?

Are we to assume the state’s mediators would understand every parent’s social or religious core values on parenting? Or would they teach some secular-progressive and religiously neutered version of parental values and wisdom?

When did Government Health Care turn into Government Parenting?

Okay, one more witty tidbit from Chuck:

One government rebuttal is that this program would be “voluntary.” Is that right? Does that imply that this agency would just sit back passively until some parent needing parenting skills said, “I don’t think I’ll call my parents, priest or friends or read a plethora of books, but I’ll go down to the local government offices”? To the contrary, the bill points to specific targeted groups and problems, on Page 840: The state “shall identify and prioritize serving communities that are in high need of such services…”

Seems pretty clear to me what this is about.

Same thing as the Hitler Youth program.

Same thing as the Bible teaches us about our responsibilities as parents.

To raise and train the next generation is to shape the future.

Only with a little help from an angel, right?

Angel Food is a Christian-run but open to all discount grocery program. Anyone can purchase Angel Food – it’s for those who want to save on their grocery budget, as well as those in need. There is no application or qualification.

From their website:

By buying food from first rate suppliers at substantial volume discounts, Angel Food Ministries is able to provide families with approximately $65 worth of quality nutritious food for $30. Angel Food Ministries does not use out-of-date food or inferior products.

ABOUT THE FOOD
Each month’s menu is different and consists of fresh, frozen and packaged food. Angel Food is purchased from the nation’s top food suppliers. Providing quality, nutritious food at significant discounts on a regular basis is one practical way to give people a “hand up” during difficult times. The cost for a box of Angel Food is $30. There is no purchase limit for boxes of Angel Food. There are no applications or qualifications necessary to purchase.

ABOUT THE VALUE
Comparison shopping nationwide in various grocery stores has revealed that the average retail value for the same food items would be approximately $65. Generally, one box of Angel Food assists in feeding a family of four for about one week or a single senior citizen for almost a month.

Angel Food even accepts Food Stamps!

We ordered an Angel Food “Signature Box” as well as a supplemental meat box in June, curious what it would be like.

The food is, truly, first-quality, good stuff. All the meat is vacuum-sealed individually and frozen for safe transport and storage.

They also just made some changes in the menu, which now includes even more meat – for the same price. Here’s what’s on the menu for August:

• 1.5 lb. Ribeye Steaks (4 x 6 oz.)
• 3 lb. IQF Split Chicken Breast
• 1 lb. Boneless Center Cut Pork Chops
• 2 lb. Mac & Beef Dinner Entrée
• 1.5 lb. Breaded All White Meat Chicken Nuggets
• 1 lb. 80/20 Lean Ground Beef
• 1 lb. Bake or Fry Fish Sticks (32 sticks)
• 1 lb. Frozen Corn
• 1 lb. Frozen Baby Lima Beans
• 1 ct. Cello-Wrapped Iceberg Lettuce
• 2 lb. Sweet Potatoes
• 15 oz. Pork & Beans
• 1 lb. Rice
• 32 oz. 2% Shelf Stable Milk
• Dozen Eggs
• Dessert

So, with minimal extras, you could feed a family of four – at least lunch and dinner – for a week with one of these “Signature Boxes.”

I think most people use it more strategically, though. If you buy a Signature Box, plus perhaps one or more of the available Bonus Boxes, you can spread them out over the course of the month to supplement your regular thrifty shopping.

There are plenty of great sites out there that allow you to plug in an ingredient and find tasty recipes to try. I’ve heard people mention menuplanningcentral, recipezaar, and others.

In addition, Hillbilly Housewife puts together a thrifty month’s worth of menus based on each month’s Angel Food box!

So, you’re probably not REALLY going to buy 4 boxes and feed your family for $30 a week… But it’s sure a great deal!

Clear out the freezer, and go to the Angel Food website to find a location near you, and order.

They even have a referrral program!

So please tell them I sent you (enter tiffany(at)tiffanyblitz.com in the space on the order form that asks), then refer all your friends to get your freebies…

Sure, as a real threat to people’s well-being or faith.

Is Harry Potter?

In our family, this is a total non-issue.

We don’t let a little fantasy stop us from enjoying something. And to me, some kids playing polo on flying broomsticks instead of horses is no more troubling than Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother changing the pumpkin into a coach by saying “Bippity Boppity Boo”.

If people want to get worked up about witchcraft, it seems to me that they would be better served by focusing on the real thing in the real world. I understand there’s a substantial population of practioners of Santa Ria right here in Miami…

And if they want to worry about the influences of the media in our lives upon our faith and worldview, it seems to me that they would do better to worry about the secular slant to the articles in Newsweek, the evolutionary assumptions in National Geographic, the gay couples featured as homeowners on HGTV, the dispresectful children on the Disney Channel, or any one of countless other real issues.

Miss J was sitting on the couch drawing on her drawing pad while I worked on the computer.

After a while, she came over to show me her latest masterpiece. She explained,

It’s Jesus, the cross, and His tomb.

I am so blown away!

I have to hand it to someone who is a longtime favorite of mine in the non-fiction realm, for having the courage to step out in a totally new direction.

Michael and Debi Pearl are the creators of No Greater Joy, and authors of any number of terrific books on child rearing, marriage, and theology topics.

My two favorites are the classic child training reference:

And Debi’s great book for wives:

But now Debi has boldly gone… into fiction!

The Vision declares itsef to be the first book of “The Last Publishers” series, with the rest of the story already planned. It’s a complicated plot, with many intertwining elements, so that’s good to know!

Fans of the Pearls with probably recognize them, and their work, in certain characters and elements of the book.

It does read like a first novel… I’ll look forward to reading on, and sharing Debi’s journey as a fiction author!

She’s even got a dedicated website now: DebiPearl.com.

I have posted several times on the issues surrounding babies and church-going (the latest is here).  Recently, a comment was added, reading,

I hear your stated needs, but I just wanted to say that a cry room doesn’t seem to me to be any better than having a recording of the service played at home. There is no opportunity for you to sing, haul out your Bible and read, greet, and share in communion when you’re behind glass or in another room. I just can’t see how this is teaching kids anything…

Forgive me for being so forward, but I say let the nursery and children’s church workers teach your kids in those “age appropriate ways”. Your baby doesn’t want to be in church. He wants to play on a floor somewhere. Let him. And let the other people worship uninterrupted.

Church is supposed to be a family, too, and that family deserves the chance to be together, focused, for just one hour a week, don’t they? That’s hard to do with babies crying and children making even innocent disruptions. Satan will use any distraction he can to get people away from hearing the word, even perfectly innocent ones.

I just wanted to put out a counter argument here. It’s a hard, gutwrenching issue for some people, and my heart goes out to you.

Since this seems like a reasonable person’s thoughts, but also seems to be entirely missing my point, I thought I would take this opportunity to explain some of my ideas further.

Let me break it down and address some of the points individually.

… a cry room doesn’t seem to me to be any better than having a recording of the service played at home. There is no opportunity for you to sing, haul out your Bible and read, greet, and share in communion when you’re behind glass or in another room. I just can’t see how this is teaching kids anything…

There are several important distinctions between a cry room and a CD played at home (or walking the halls, as we currently do, for that matter):

• First of all, you would presumably go into the service, sing, read, participate – and help children learn to do so.  Only if a small child was unable to stay would a strategic retreat to the cry room be called for.  You could also return if the issue was resolved, the child fell asleep, etc.
• With the sevice piped in, and possibly with video feed or a view through glass, we can absolutely sing and worship!  (And teach the kids to do so).
• We get to greet and visit with other church members before and after service.  After all, you shouldn’t be doing that during service, anyway!
• Communion would be given to those in the cry room who felt they were able to be ready – just as the elements are taken to the Pastor and the pianist.
• The children are learning more than you imagine – Simply getting up Sunday morning and getting dressed up and out the door.  The fact that Mama and Papa love and respect God enough to go through whatever it takes to worship Him in His house on the Sabbath.  Sitting quietly through service (see my first point).  Hearing the music, singing the songs (see above), praying corporately.

Okay, I’m sure I could list some more, but let’s move on…

I say let the nursery and children’s church workers teach your kids in those “age appropriate ways”.

I adore and admire the people who serve in the nursery and teach Children’s Church.  And once my kids are comfortable staying in either one, I welcome them doing so.

Jewel, at 4, goes into Sunday School at 9 am and we pick her up after service at noon.  They transition them straight from Sunday School classes to Children’s Church, and everything is wonderful.

But I was charged by God, personally, with training up my children (I say “I” here because I am writing this alone, but this is a conviction shared, prayed over, and championed 100% by my husband).  I do not send them to Day Care or Preschool during the week, for the very reason that I do not choose to abdicate my God-given responsibility for shaping their values and character, as well as educating them.

We do not find evidence in the Bible that nursing babies should be forcibly kept away from their mothers.  Even in the Old Testament where we see a very young child taken to the Temple for a life of service there, he stayed with his mother until weaning (probably age three or four).  A little research into psychology’s Attachment Theory, and the whole Attachment Parenting movement, shows that even secular science recognizes this bond.

Your baby doesn’t want to be in church. He wants to play on a floor somewhere. Let him. And let the other people worship uninterrupted.

Church is supposed to be a family, too, and that family deserves the chance to be together, focused, for just one hour a week, don’t they? That’s hard to do with babies crying and children making even innocent disruptions. Satan will use any distraction he can to get people away from hearing the word, even perfectly innocent ones.

Exactly.  That’s why I need a cry room! 

I absolutely want to keep the baby from disrupting the service.

But should my husband and other children not go to Sunday School because there is no place for me to go with the baby?  Should all four of us miss out on church altogether?  Don’t we deserve the support of our brothers and sisters so that we can worship and study together, too?

Worship should also be far more than one hour a week.  My old pastor always used to say, “It takes tree to thrive” – three church services a week, in addition to your daily quiet time in the word, your family devotional time, your service time, and your prayer “without ceasing.”  Maybe if you’re doing more, you don’t feel as “deprived” if for a few seconds there is a distraction?

I would also ask you to run that sentiment through a WWJD filter. 

Would you not welcome into your church the mentally disabled man who sings at the top of his lungs, off-key?  Or the homeless man, who smells offensive to you?

On second thought, this WWJD Filter opens up a whole avenue of discussion which I would like to table for a folow-up post.

Stay Tuned!

I was delighted to receive a review copy of the new book 10-10-10 by Suzy Welch. It’s an intriguing concept, and I was curious how it would integrate with my beliefs – but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Suzy Welch is a journalist, author, speaker, and mother. She and hubby Jack Welch co-authored the #1 Bestseller Winning (and its sequel, Winning: The Answers: Confronting 74 of the Toughest Questions in Business Today).

The basic premise is that 10-10-10 is a framework for making decisions that are truly well-thought-out and conscious. Here’s how it works:

After stating you dilema as a question (“Should I cancel the trip to my Great-Aunt’s funeral to stay home with my sick child?”), you think about (or write down, or talk through) what the ramifications of either choice will be – in 10 minutes, in 10 months, in 10 years.

There’s nothing magical about the times – just an easy “hook” to remember the idea. Depending on the idea you’re pondering, you might look at 1 day, 6 months, and 20 years… Or whatever.

The idea is to consider the immediate result (family disappointed vs. kid disappointed); the result in a mid-range time, when things have settled down (mom will remember my support, kid will have had fun with dad and long since forgotten the incident); and in the long term (relationship with mom going strong; kid not only doesn’t remember, but also could understand loyalty to the family members in their time of need).

So by using 10-10-10 on my imaginary dilema, it seems clear that the better choice is to go ahead and go on the trip.

Suzy’s style is very casual and friendly (without being so “informal” as to be sloppy and annoying). She has anecdotes about people who’ve told her their 10-10-10 stories, as well as her personal experiences (told with admirable candor).

As I began to read the book, I had a growing sense of unease about the conflict of such a system with my faith. After all, I want to follow God’s leading in my life, and specifically not “rely on my own understanding.”

Luckily, Suzy included a section entitled, “Living by the Word” in the chapter, “Authentic At Last: The Valus Equation of 10-10-10.” Suzy proclaims her own Christianity, and tells us,

You can consider 10-10-10 another approach [to keeping yourself connected to God's Word], in that it’s a powerful means to make sure you are living in accordance with your values

For some decisions, I truly believe that we ought to do nothing more than pray and listen for the still small voice.

But I don’t always hear the booming directive from the heavens telling me whether or not I should invest the $20 in a cookbook the family might enjoy.

For all those times, 10-10-10 is a great answer. It allows us to make sure we are truly considering our obedience to Colossians 3:17 and doing everything to the glory of God.

Suzy even shares the story of a pastor who teaches 10-10-10 in his church, as a method of gaining perspective to cope better with anger. He cites Scriptural authority from Proverbs (wisdom), as well as the teaching of Ignatius of Loyola (one of the founders of the Jesuit Order).

Stressing and worrying is one of the biggest challenges in my life and Christian walk. I’m looking forward to applying 10-10-10 to help me keep things in perspective.

For more info, check out:

Suzy’s website
Follow Suzy on Twitter
Suzy’s YouTube video channel