Life on the Road

You may recall that Nick and Coral Reef band got to perform at a Miami Dolphins game earlier this season.

I desperately wanted to go to the game to see him perform… I got scared, though, when I started looking at the prices.

Sure, they have those $300 – $800 Super Deluxe seats, I thought, but I’m okay with the “nosebleed” section.

On TicketMaster, the cheapest tickets are $41!

They have a “ticket swap” set up, where you can buy tickets from season ticket holders who won’t be using them… But the cheapest thing there was $53!

So back to TicketMaster…

Three seats – yes, I have to buy one for Jewel – at $41, is $123.

Of course there’s a “convenience charge” of $10. PER TICKET! $30 brings us to $153.

You can buy your parking fee in advance, too… Guess how much? $25! Twenty-five bucks. To PARK!

So that’s now $178.

Naturally, I don’t want to pay fees to have them express delivery the tickets to me. But it costs an additional $2.50 for the privledge of printing them myself!

$180.50

Wait! There are no $41 tickets available – the cheapest is $52. But, inexplicably, the convenience charge on these drops to $7.50 each, so it “only” adds $25.50.

Hmmm. Can’t print out the parking pass. So I guess we either pay that at the gate, or go with another delivery method. Standard Mail is (*gasp*) no charge… So we save $2.50, and hope they arrive in time.

Wait! I’m on the checkout page now (just because I can’t resist knowing, not becase I can afford to purchase them)… and there’s a $4.00 “Order Processing Fee” added on to the very end.

They want to bill my credit card for $206.75.

I hate to think what they charge for Hot Dogs… But I digress.

We did get to go, as Mom graciously sponsored the event as an early Christmas present. And the stadium was FULL. Sold out, packed, full.

The economy is horrible. People are out of work, losing their homes, and unable to make ends meet…

So how do all those people find the hundreds of dollars it takes to attend a football game?

And why is it that important to them?

Although we do take family portraits every year, we are not known for stuffy, formal settings.

You can see our fun portrait history, as well as last year’s very cool (in our opinion) Renaissance photos.

But we’re coming up blank with good ideas for this year.

We had a couple of ideas that had to be rejected on a cost basis – ultra-formal a la Victorian (costumed, serious), and CIA (black jacket, ear bud, shades).

The only thing we have on the table right now is “pajama party,” which isn’t a bad idea. It would take some effort/expense, though, as we don’t all actually sleep in things that would be flattering if immortalized.

Any good ideas?

We have a lifestyle and parenting philosophy that do not line up with the mainstream in society today.

There are lots of ladies at my La Leche League meeting that believe a lot of the same things I do about parenting.  I also find kindred spirits on certain topics among homesteaders, ”green” folks, and the Attachment Parenting community.  Conservative religious beliefs make me feel right at home with German Baptists, Mennonites, and some churches like Reformed Baptists.

Still, during the average trip to the grocery store, or church, or pretty much anywhere else, I find people who make very different choices.  A lot of my life feels like I’m “swimming up-stream.”

Even the most secure person can benefit from a little validation, so I wanted to share a couple of incidents that happened recently that have really made my day(s).

Honorning God

We wear dresses all the time, so the difference may not be as clear-cut, but we are very big believers in putting on our “Sunday Best” to go to church.  We honor the Lord by taking care to dress up for a visit to His house.

The last couple of weeks, Jewel has made some commentary about her wardrobe choices that warmed my heart and brought tears to my eyes:

I’m going to wear my ‘pretty princess’ shoes, because I want to look pretty for God and make Him happy!

Wow!  Some of it is sinking in…

Being Attached

Questions I hear far too often: 

• “Why don’t you just leave them in the Nursery?”
• “Why don’t you put them in Preschool/Day-Care so you have some time to yourself?”

Well, just to hit a few of the high points, I don’t because:

• I prefer to allow my babies to retain their natural attachment to their mother.
• I believe in breastfeeding on demand.
• I choose not to hand over the right/responsibility for shaping my children’s character to someone else.
• Research shows that cortisol (stress hormone) inhibits brain development.  No thanks!

People have a lot of wide-ranging opinions about the negative consequences of this, most of which are obviously not true.

For instance, “You’ll never be able to have a relationship with your husband” is proven untrue by the obvious fact that we have had more children.  (*ahem*)

Some are more subtle, so harder to debate/defend on short notice.  The most common ones are variations on a theme:

• “You’ll spoil them”
• “They need to learn how to be alone”
• “They’ll always be clingy / insecure”
• “You have to teach them to respect your needs”

Attachment Parenting philosophy, Bible teaching, and modern science, all dispute these notions.  People cling to them, though, and – I believe – use them to justify what simply amounts to what they want for themselves.

Let me just tell you that for me, working in the church nursery has given me all the “evidence” I need that my way is NOT wrong.  It breaks my heart sometimes…

But from the other side, I have been delighted lately to have had not one but several women who teach Jewel’s age group make a point of coming up and talking to me about her.

• “She’s always so happy!”
• “She’s an eager participant, and a delight to have in class!”
• “She never cries and makes a fuss when you drop her off.”

What a joy! 

Of course, I’m not shy in pointing out that the reason she is so secure as a 4 year-old is because I made her feel secure as a 1 year-old, 2 year-old, and 3 year-old by never forcing her to stay alone in the nursery.  She has a secure base from which to explore the world at her own pace, and trusts that I will always be there if there was a problem.

A little validation goes a long way…

Here’s a comedian who agrees with my Punctuation Police assertion that people should use the language correctly, and brings a whole new slant to it!

This “most aggressively inarticulate generation”! *giggle*

So, here’s a thought for anyone out there with paranoid leanings:

With OnStar, “they” can not only track where you are and catalog your driving habits, but they can also lock you out of your car (or let anyone else in), stop your car at any time (or start it), listen to what’s being said or going on in your car (or talk to you, naturally), and who knows how much more.

Big Brother is not only watching, but now he has a GPS and remote control…

I often wonder about just what factors they use when they’re generating those recommendations for me – from Amazon.com, Blockbuster Online, and a wide range of other places.

I name those two because I suspect they are somewhat closer to the mark. On both of those sites I have taken the trouble to rate many, many products we have purchased / rented / watched / read, so it has some chance of “getting to know me.”

But I still wonder what it is really taking from any given review.

Take the movie we watched last night – Australia.

If I rate it highly, do they assume I like Hugh Jackman (true)? Nicole Kidman (not so much)? Western (depends)? War movies (highly variable)? White guilt movies (um, no)? Too-long “epics” (depends)?

And conversely, if I give it a low rating, do they think I DIS-like all of the above things? Or is there some factor in there allowing it to realize that I downgraded the rating somewhat because it was simply far too long, and primarily because it glorified an unmarried cohabitation relationship?

Sometimes I wonder.

And since I truly doubt it takes that second group of (artistic and moral) factors into account, I wonder if I should rate it higher, so it keeps recommending Hugh Jackman movies to me.

But I don’t want anyone who may look at my ratings to think the movie is an acceptable Christian family film, so I obviously can’t.

Just how well DOES it know me, at the end of the day?

It is with a heavy heart that I sit down to write. A friend of 16 years has passed on today.

Loki, reading a friend’s book manuscript

Loki came into my life while I was pregnant with Nick. She was about six months old, and had been adopted by my mom and sister. They moved into a rental that didn’t allow pets, and Loki joined our happy family as cat #2.

Together we went through the Northridge, CA earthquake in 1994. Our apartment was jut a mile from the epicenter. Loki his under the bed for a week, and was never quite the same afterwards. Someone out there ought to do reserach on Kitty PTSD.

Like the rest of the family, Loki enjoyed Christmas!

She liked to sleep in odd spots…

Of course, she just enjoyed odd spots in general.

In and on boxes:

In the RV:

Even in the shower:

Loki had as many as four feline companions at a time since then, in various combinations, as well as learning to adapt to the arrival of each of my three children.

We will miss you, Old Lady.

I’ve noticed that most people seem to think Speed Limits are more like guidelines.

And here in South Florida, running Stop signs is an epidemic.

But I was still disturbed at what happened when I had to drive up to church during a power outage recently.

Our route goes up a main thoroughfare with a 45 mph Speed Limit (which is, naturally, often ignored). It has, naturally, traffic lights placed at regular intervals.

Before you read on, answer this traffic law pop-quiz:

The power is out in your neighborhood, and you approach an intersection with a traffic light which is not functioning.

What do you do?

If you answered that the intersection is treated as an all-way stop, you are correct.

In the absence of other signage, or a law-enforcement officer to direct traffic, all vehicles must treat the intersection as if they faced a Stop sign.

So what was happening as we drove up the road?

People on the main road were simply zipping along at 45 mph plus, ignoring the traffic light intersections as they ignored the smaller ones along the way!

We were afraid of getting rear-ended when we stopped at the intersections, and naturally this also made it difficult to enter and leave the road.

How does this happen?

Maybe one person, or a few people don’t know the law, or care… But literally everyone?

PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE
WANTED, DEAD OR ALIVE:

When we get to Heaven, the one thing I most want to know is: Why mosquitos, God?

I’ve mentioned before that my two little ones are allergic to mosquitos. Unfortunately, this is also paired up with something that makes mosquitos come after them with a vengeance!

And we live in South Florida. Sub-tropical climate, complete with an over-abundance of the nasty critters.

We’ve tried a lot of things both to prevent bites, and to treat bites. While we have what seem to be workable solutions in both categories, it’s far from ideal.

Bite Prevention

A lot of people have a lot of good things to say about the OFF! product line. Our pediatrician includes the OFF! Towlettes in his list of repellants for the kids, along with SkinTastic and Avon’s Skin So Soft.

For reasons including comfort with the ingredients, effectiveness, and cost, we use Skin So Soft as our daily go-to. We try to always apply it when the kids get dressed in he morning, and again whenever we are going past the front door.

We find Skin So Soft very effective under normal conditions. When there is a heavy concentration of mosquitos, though, it’s not enough to keep them from getting bitten.

So far we haven’t had much luck with outdoor products to keep the mosquitos away inthe first place.

We use a kid- and pet-safe spray (Ortho Home Defense) around the access points (windows, doors, baseboards) indoors, and granules around the perimeter of the house outside… But with it not being a house we own, we haven’t been able to dig into any of the enticing promises of things like mist spray systems that are supposed to keep them out of your entire airspace.

I’ve heard good things about, but haven’t yet had a chance to try, the OFF! PowerPad Lamp. You can enter to win one at Go Graham Go! through July 22nd – please let me know how you like it if you win!

People have a lot of home remedies like spraying outdoor furniture and toys with Listerine… but combined with the weather here so unbearable we have essentially just given up using the outdoors. (Sad, eh?)

Treating Bites

Step One: Clean.

A lot of people swear by various things to clean and detox. Amonia, peroxide, meat tenderizer paste, baking soda paste…

From our experience, it doesn’t seem to make a difference. I typically use peroxide when we’re at home, and alcohol wipes from the First Aid kit when we’re out an about.

Step Two: Treat the Problem.

Something is needed to prevent an infection reaction on the surface. Neosporin or the like is a good first line of defense, and we also have a stronger antibiotic cream prescribed by the pediatrician.

I also give them something to control the reaction from the inside – something like Benadryl or Claratin. Without this, not only is the bite area more inflamed and troublesome, but the child will also typically get a feve, be lethargic and grouchy, etc. Poor kids!

Occasionally, and for reasons I cannot determine, none of this helps. Twice the pediatrician has prescribed oral antibiotics.

Step Three: Treat the Symptoms.

While it’s healing – since even with all that there’s a process to go through – it is itchy and miserable.

We tend to use 1% Hydrocortisone cream (over the counter) or Benadryl anti-itch cream. I mix it in with the antibiotic cream from Step Two, then put a Band-Aid over it to keep them from messing with it – the bigger, the better. (Remember, Band-Aid is a trademark. And it actually is our preference.) For R.T., sometimes I put a too-big sock over his arm or leg to try and keep things hidden.

The Benadryl liquid also helps with symptom control, as does the occasional Tylenol if things get bad.

WHEW!

Maybe we just need to move somewhere less infested…

I have posted several times on the issues surrounding babies and church-going (the latest is here).  Recently, a comment was added, reading,

I hear your stated needs, but I just wanted to say that a cry room doesn’t seem to me to be any better than having a recording of the service played at home. There is no opportunity for you to sing, haul out your Bible and read, greet, and share in communion when you’re behind glass or in another room. I just can’t see how this is teaching kids anything…

Forgive me for being so forward, but I say let the nursery and children’s church workers teach your kids in those “age appropriate ways”. Your baby doesn’t want to be in church. He wants to play on a floor somewhere. Let him. And let the other people worship uninterrupted.

Church is supposed to be a family, too, and that family deserves the chance to be together, focused, for just one hour a week, don’t they? That’s hard to do with babies crying and children making even innocent disruptions. Satan will use any distraction he can to get people away from hearing the word, even perfectly innocent ones.

I just wanted to put out a counter argument here. It’s a hard, gutwrenching issue for some people, and my heart goes out to you.

Since this seems like a reasonable person’s thoughts, but also seems to be entirely missing my point, I thought I would take this opportunity to explain some of my ideas further.

Let me break it down and address some of the points individually.

… a cry room doesn’t seem to me to be any better than having a recording of the service played at home. There is no opportunity for you to sing, haul out your Bible and read, greet, and share in communion when you’re behind glass or in another room. I just can’t see how this is teaching kids anything…

There are several important distinctions between a cry room and a CD played at home (or walking the halls, as we currently do, for that matter):

• First of all, you would presumably go into the service, sing, read, participate – and help children learn to do so.  Only if a small child was unable to stay would a strategic retreat to the cry room be called for.  You could also return if the issue was resolved, the child fell asleep, etc.
• With the sevice piped in, and possibly with video feed or a view through glass, we can absolutely sing and worship!  (And teach the kids to do so).
• We get to greet and visit with other church members before and after service.  After all, you shouldn’t be doing that during service, anyway!
• Communion would be given to those in the cry room who felt they were able to be ready – just as the elements are taken to the Pastor and the pianist.
• The children are learning more than you imagine – Simply getting up Sunday morning and getting dressed up and out the door.  The fact that Mama and Papa love and respect God enough to go through whatever it takes to worship Him in His house on the Sabbath.  Sitting quietly through service (see my first point).  Hearing the music, singing the songs (see above), praying corporately.

Okay, I’m sure I could list some more, but let’s move on…

I say let the nursery and children’s church workers teach your kids in those “age appropriate ways”.

I adore and admire the people who serve in the nursery and teach Children’s Church.  And once my kids are comfortable staying in either one, I welcome them doing so.

Jewel, at 4, goes into Sunday School at 9 am and we pick her up after service at noon.  They transition them straight from Sunday School classes to Children’s Church, and everything is wonderful.

But I was charged by God, personally, with training up my children (I say “I” here because I am writing this alone, but this is a conviction shared, prayed over, and championed 100% by my husband).  I do not send them to Day Care or Preschool during the week, for the very reason that I do not choose to abdicate my God-given responsibility for shaping their values and character, as well as educating them.

We do not find evidence in the Bible that nursing babies should be forcibly kept away from their mothers.  Even in the Old Testament where we see a very young child taken to the Temple for a life of service there, he stayed with his mother until weaning (probably age three or four).  A little research into psychology’s Attachment Theory, and the whole Attachment Parenting movement, shows that even secular science recognizes this bond.

Your baby doesn’t want to be in church. He wants to play on a floor somewhere. Let him. And let the other people worship uninterrupted.

Church is supposed to be a family, too, and that family deserves the chance to be together, focused, for just one hour a week, don’t they? That’s hard to do with babies crying and children making even innocent disruptions. Satan will use any distraction he can to get people away from hearing the word, even perfectly innocent ones.

Exactly.  That’s why I need a cry room! 

I absolutely want to keep the baby from disrupting the service.

But should my husband and other children not go to Sunday School because there is no place for me to go with the baby?  Should all four of us miss out on church altogether?  Don’t we deserve the support of our brothers and sisters so that we can worship and study together, too?

Worship should also be far more than one hour a week.  My old pastor always used to say, “It takes tree to thrive” – three church services a week, in addition to your daily quiet time in the word, your family devotional time, your service time, and your prayer “without ceasing.”  Maybe if you’re doing more, you don’t feel as “deprived” if for a few seconds there is a distraction?

I would also ask you to run that sentiment through a WWJD filter. 

Would you not welcome into your church the mentally disabled man who sings at the top of his lungs, off-key?  Or the homeless man, who smells offensive to you?

On second thought, this WWJD Filter opens up a whole avenue of discussion which I would like to table for a folow-up post.

Stay Tuned!